Jess

I’m not really sure what this has to do with my weight loss other than my frame of mind.  I have a problem.  I have a great life as a stay at home mom of 2 wonderful kids.  I have a wonderful husband who is a good father and provider.  I don’t really want for anything.  My only real obligations are taking care of the kids and house.  My oldest even started pre-school this year so I have some semi-free time.  Sounds great right?  So here’s the problem I’m just average.  I’m struggling with that.  I have “it all”, yet still feel as if something is missing.  I’m always looking for some new thing.  I suppose it comes from being pushed to excel all through school.  I was always at the top of the class, in gifted classes, etc.  Then I move into the real world and I lost something.  I guess I feel as though I’m not special enough.  I know I have more to give.  I’m just not sure how.  I have lots of ideas, yet can’t seem to make a commitment.  Sound familiar.  It’s a problem in all aspects of my life.

So my most recent venture is photography.  I am joining my mother in her business.  I again have great ideas, but my mom is a bit of a control freak.  She is having trouble letting go of the reins.  The problem is that it is a side business for her and she doesn’t have enough time to do what needs to be done.  To be fair, with 2 yound kids I don’t exactly have the time either.  With it just as a side business, there isn’t enough income for me to hire babysitters on a reg. basis to get things done.  I have such vision for what could be.  I can see the end result, yet am not quite sure of where to begin.  So here I am, stuck in the ordinary when I know I have it in me to be extraordinary!

Okay, so stress is a big trigger for my eating.  And my biggest source of stress is my 3 yr. old.  I love him to death, but lord can he push my buttons.  Some days he just drives me nuts…and let me tell you it is a short drive.  As crazy as the boy made me I pushed through the need for food.  I recognized what it was and just took some deep breaths.  I got through it.  Let me just say that I am really looking forward to my free time when he starts pre-school next week.  So many people say that I’m gonna cry and whatnot, but I just envision lots of celebration and dancing.  Granted, it won’t be completly free time as I will still have the 1 yr old.  But it is alot easier to get things done with just one kiddo.  Well, off I go.

Alright here I am again.  My name is Jess and I have a sugar problem.  Okay, I was just in my kitchen cookbook in hand planning to make a banana cake complete with cream cheese icing.  It was so good the last time I made it.  Even now I am salivating for it.  But…I put the cookbook away and ate the plain banana instead.  Much healthier!  I figured I would log in here to help keep me occupied.  Yeah for me for resisting the temptation.

Hi there.  I have been mia for a few weeks.  I was doing so well for about 3 wks or so.  Then true to form I had a few too many days of temptations and gave in.  So, like normal, I lose 4, gain 2.  I am currently back on the downhill slide and have lost 1 of the 2 I gained.  I have a canoe trip come Labor Day and would like to be down to 160 by then.  That is about 3 wks from now so if I really get serious I should be able to get it done.  Here goes nothing.  I mean really, the only thing I have to lose is the spare tire around my stomach.

So I officially logged in hitting my 165 mini goal today.  I’ve actually been at 165 for a few days.  I weigh everyday.  I know it doesn’t work for some, but if the scale begins to go the other way I can get on it quick.  So, I was afraid that the 165 was just a fluke.  That it wouldn’t be the same when I weighed the next day.  So, after about 3 days of 165 or a little lower, not quite 164 yet, I decided it was safe to enter it.  So yippee for me!!  I am on my way there.  I’m doing really well with the eating healthier and not snacking all day.  If I put up the baby gate to the kitchen it seems to help.  I was really busy this weekend taking pics at a wedding so I let my exercise slip.  I’m gonna get back on that tomorrow.  I have another wedding this weekend.  It is my cousin’s and out of town.  I am hopeful that there will be gym equiptment or a pool there.  We’ll see.  At the very least I can do my situps, pushups, and squats.

Okay, lets start with the ugly.  Let me just say that there is nothing like going clothes shopping to give you a wakeup call.  What I wouldn’t give to go back to a more slender me and make better choices.  Well thats out so lets move onto the bad.  Today was my cousin’s bday party and I had more cake than I needed.  In defense, it is the best icing, like wedding cake icing.  I only get it a few times a year, so I sometimes overdo.  Now onto the good.  I knew that I would probably overdo at the party, so in preparation I ate really well.  I even had a baby shower this afternoon.  I drank water.  No punch, no cake, no nothing.  I also got my exercise in on the ellliptical today.  Overall, I felt pretty good.  I know the key to sticking with it is making a conscious effort when eating.  I need to eat well, but allow the for the things I really enjoy in moderation.  I think I am doing well and will continue with what is working.

Okay, so I went to a 4th of July party tonight.  I made up my mind to be more mindful of what went in my mouth tonight.  All things considered, I didn’t do to bad.  For the dinner portion, I had a braut, no bun and the rest was all fresh fruits and veggies.  I would have been home free if I’d just had watermelon for dessert, but lets face it I like my sugar.  So I sampled a few desserts.  I didn’t go back for seconds, so that was better than usual.  I also drank only water, no keg for me.  Overall, I’m considering it a win.  That is the best I have done at a party in a long time.

Also, I have been doing pretty well resisting temptations at home.  The old me would have figured I’d blow it at the 4th of July party and would have said to hell with it and binged for the few days coming up to it.  I am doing pretty good right now and am proud of myself.

So here I am another day.  I am still craving the cookies, so here I am again.  I think I’m going to take Rebecca’s advice and throw them out.  I think its hard because its wasteful, but really they are just wasting my body, so the alternative is better.  As soon as I get done with this post out they go.  Goodbye temptation atleast for the moment.  Its so nice to have people around for support when  I need it.  Thanks to all!!

So today wasn’t exactly my best effort but it wasn’t a total flop.  I did get some exercise in.  I also was more concious of what I ate.  I paid special attention and cut out some of the unneeded calories from my meals.  We went out for lunch and I had a pork tenderloin sandwich.  I ate it w/o the the bun so that saved me some cals.  I also left atleast one bite on my plate at each meal.

Currently I am really craving the cookies in the cupboard which is why I am on here.  If I’m typing I can’t be eating.  Just for the record, I didn’t buy the cookies, the hubby did.  But that doesn’t stop me from eating them.  I could just kill the man.  He is naturally thin, ugh, and just has to have his sweets.  So he buys the cookies, 2 packs, to take to work which would be fine.  But, he opens them, eats about 4 cookies, then leaves them at home for me to eat.  I am one of those if its there and sugary I will eat it type people.  He knows it, yet we still go through this.  My favorite is when he comes to me about a week or two later and wonders where it all went.  Like he doesn’t already know.  It just drives me batty. 

He just doesn’t understand.  And when I point that out he gets all offended like I’ve just made fun of him for being skinny.  Honestly, he is so skinny that he once went on weight gainer and lost weight.  How disgusting is that.  Makes me sick.  I do love him, but sometimes I can hardly stand to look at him.  Oh well.

I read an article today about competing in a triathlon.  I think the sprint distance (approx. 500 meter swim, 12 mile bike, 3 mile run) is a doable thing.  If I begin training now, I should be able to compete come 2009.  Any ideas?